Out of my control…

Hah! Recently I’ve felt so overwhelmed about a lot of things! Things like spending habits, responsibilities, the future, accountability and lots of other things…. and in all this, the common factor is control. Control in ME spending money, ME bearing the responsibilities, ME trying to shape my future, ME trying to keep promises, ME trying to please everyone, ME trying to FIX EVERYTHING!

Yeah… it just doesn’t work. I can’t control the change in someone else’s feelings, thoughts or actions. I can’t control what’s going to happen in the next second as I’m typing this next word- let alone 10 years from now. For all I know I could meet with a fatal accident on the road to work tomorrow and not be able to see all those I love before I die. I can’t fix anything because I can’t control the outcome of any situation.

I keep saying I know that I can’t do this myself and that I need God’s help…  I keep telling myself that it’s impossible. But I don’t think I really fully understand what I’m saying. I don’t think I realize that when I’m least in control of everything around me- that’s the time when everything is in control. And not by me, but by God.

I can worry about things and it won’t help. I can try to convince people and write eloquently but that won’t change a person’s heart. I can try my very best to please everyone but there’s always going to be someone who you’ll disappoint and just not be good enough for. I have to realize I am not in control of anything. But to have circumstances under control I have to first learn to trust God that no matter what happens its happening for the best. I shouldn’t have to try and change what I think is a bad situation because I don’t really know what the end result will be. Mankind hasn’t even understood time fully, and here I am trying to affect the future to what I want it to be. We all take Emotion for granted and don’t even know so much as the tip of the iceberg about Emotions, and here I am trying to change a person’s heart or feelings. We know nothing about the pain Jesus felt when His own Father turned His back on Him for a while… and yet He controlled Himself instead of damning humanity for good, and here I am talking about being in control…..

Crazy… right?

 

No matter how out of control things seem, everything is really still in control.. in His hands

 

Wait just a moment

Ok so I’m not as constant of a blogger… at least not as much as I hoped to be when I started out. I think, as I look back, that I blog whenever I have something that really caught my eye, made me upset, or just feel so bottled up (not necessarily mad or upset.. just stuffed and in want of letting things out).

Two weeks ago I heard a sermon at church about waiting. Now how cliche would that topic be… not just for Christians, but for people in general. Everyone seems to be in a hurry these days for everything. Whether it’s at McDonalds when someone else is ahead of you for their morning coffe and you’re going to get out of the store 20 seconds later than you anticipated or whether it’s about huge decisions through the course of life- like what school to go to, or where should I work. We want everything now. This moment. Not 10 seconds from now, but 10 seconds before now.

It’s a hard concept to grasp- this.. waiting. Well.. don’t you think it is? Like really sit down and think about it; or better yet.. I’ll let you in on what’s going on in my mind (forgive me if it sounds jumbled.. or doesnt make sense..):

“Ok. So I’m done with school now. Well.. yeah, I have 4,000 hours of apprenticeship to do and then do my Red Seal exam. Then I have to start saving up from now for the future so I can support my own family someday. Ok the job at the golf club is good, but not good enough. I can’t start a future with this!? I want something better.. now! I mean, yeah, it’s only been 3 months since school has been over and I have already got a job in my field, but so what?! It’s not where I want to be so it’s not good enough! I mean, I can’t keep going on like this can I? Oh! A car! I need a car.. but I don’t want my Dad to pay for it. But I need it now. With work and all, and just if I want to go out… it would be really nice. But for that I need a better job. So what if it’s only been 3 months since school’s over! I need that perfect job now! I can’t wait! There’s too much at stake for waiting! “

That’s just a part of some of the issues we all face. We don’t want to wait. We always have to have everything now! And if we don’t then we start to worry. We start to compare ourselves to other people. We start to become restless, agitated, upset, jealous, depressed….

There’s a time for everything… Time to work, time to play, time to laugh, time to cry, time to love, time to chastise, time to eat, time to sleep, time to endure challenges.. there’s a time for everything. But with rushing things, we’re trying to take time in our own hands; forgetting that only God has that power.

You know, if we only trusted God with all our troubles in the first place, we wouldn’t have to worry about where we would be or would like to be in the future. We wouldn’t have to rush anything because we know that whatever He does, He does for our good. And that He makes everything beautiful in His time.

Simple example: I was working in the kitchen this week and on two of the days we were really busy. But the outcomes of the two days were completely different. The first day that it was really busy caught me by surprise. I panicked. Started rushing orders out when the other half of one order that was being prepared by another chef wasn’t even done yet. I was rushing everything because I let circumstances get the better of me. I didn’t wait, look at the ticket with the orders, think about what goes on when. Instead, I started rushing everything and almost created a mess out of the whole service. But the second time, one of the cooks talked to me. Told me to relax, asked me my strengths and weaknesses, told me to wait, think, and don’t panic. That was one busy service, but it couldn’t have gone smoother than it did.

I learned how important it is to wait. Commit everything to God and just wait on Him and his perfect time. Wait! Think before you do anything. Stop worrying about the future and just wait and let it happen.

Not just going through the motions…

Wow…. That’s all I could really say after College and Career’s learning centre today… I mean what else do you say to such a powerful testimony. We were watching the Fruitcake & Ice-cream sermon by Louie Giglio and it was absolutely amazing! Topic was about grace… and instead of sharing his own thoughts for most of the sermon, he shared a testimony… A testimony of a girl named Ashley. I’m pretty sure NO ONE from our group that day left the room without any tears in their eyes by the end of the DVD.

What do you say when you hear about someone who’s going through a lot of heart ache and feels like God just doesn’t care for “screw-ups”… and then through a serious of definitely non-cooincidental events comes to know Christ just to die from a car crash 3 months later…. This is an extremely brief story of what Louie Giglio read from her very own journal that was given to him by her parents… And it was just so touching….

It made me re-think EVERYTHING…. Yeah we’ve heard how loving God is and how Jesus came and died for our sins… but what does that really mean? I mean.. do we really understand the full concept of that? Do we really understand grace… do we really experience it’s freeing power? Do we realize that we have absolutely no right to keep this amazing love.. this amazing gift… this amazing grace to ourselves? Do we realize that this isn’t for use to keep and hoard but to share it with everyone around us? I guess we really don’t because most of us get too comfortable with where we are in life and how our social atmosphere is set… We conveniently ‘forget’ about telling others about a Man who WILLINGLY gave His very own life for us… despite knowing that all of use will hurt Him; despite knowing that many of us will reject Him; despite knowing that only some of us will accept Him; and despite knowing that only a handful will truly love Him….

But He still came… willingly… didn’t retaliate when he was beaten… didn’t resist when they made Him drag his own cross after the torture He’d just gone through.. and didn’t turn back when they were about to drive nails through His holy hands and feet before dying a criminal’s death… He disregarded the humiliation that He faced…. Just for you and me…. just so that we could have the option of coming to Him openly and personally… All He ever wanted was us.. our love.. our fellowship… all He wants is for us to acknowledge His great sacrifice for us and to ask Him to live in our hearts.. all He ever wanted was to be our God.. our Father.. our Friend….

And even after all of that… we still reject Him.. we still feel ashamed of telling others about this amazing gift that God has give us….

Why? Do we feel ashamed of a gift our friend, our loved ones, or anyone that we care about gives us? No.. in fact… we flaunt it… We Facebook it! We tell EVERYONE about this gift our loved one gave us… we feel proud of it and cherish it… What a shame that we don’t do the same for the gift of eternal life that Christ is offering to us…..

He loves us so much… everyone! No one has gone too far or screwed things over so much that he or she can never come to God… in fact He wants us to come to Him so that He can show us just how much He cares for us and loves us… just so that He can help us through this life… You’re not alone… He’s promised to never leave you and never forsake you! Till the end of time He’s with you!

No matter what you’ve gone through, He understands… there is nothing that you’ve gone through that He hasn’t already gone through when He walked the earth. And He just wants you to know that He loves you and wants to help you through everything that hurts you and causes your heart to ache… because His heart aches when He sees His child hurting… He just wants you to trust Him.. Trust Him that He’ll be with you every step of the way- through thick and through thin… when things are looking up or when they can’t get any lower…

At the end of one of Ashley’s Journal entries she wrote down the lyrics to a song that just touched her heart… and I know it will touch yours. I’m sure many of you may know it, or if you don’t will know it… We all have messed up in life.. but He doesn’t want us to beat ourselves over it… He doesn’t care what you’ve done… He doesn’t care how bad you think you are… all He wants is you… just you. He’ll take care of all the baggage you’ve acquired over the years..  He says “Come to me all of you who are heavy-burdened, and I will give you rest” He loves you… no strings attached… are you willing to do the same…

Mighty To Save

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that’s never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We’re singing for the glory of the risen King…Jesus (x2)

My Saviour, You can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
You rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

On the Bus Today…

So I was on the bus coming back from school today, listening to my music when 3 high-school boys came in talking bout things at school….
From he first sight of them I had a feelin I wasn’t going to like their existence at that moment inthe bus…
They couldn’t tell whether i was lsitening to them or not since I had my earphones on, but, trust me, I heard every word ( and with their voices I think the whole bus did)…
They started talking bout Christianity and Atheism and somehow they started badmouthing Christianity… And it wasn’t even Christianity but it was Catholicism. Still – they don’t know the difference between the two and were bad mouthing my faith because of that.
They started saying things like we’re so fake because the church condones Child molestation because o what one person did and how that aethiests should bomb churches!!
I, in that moment, just wanted to stand up and give them a piece of my mind!!

If only they knew my God and His compassion, Love, and faithfulness… then maybe they wouldnt be on the bus saying such things…..

Peek through the window

Wow I’m loving Culinary school!
Cooking is so fun!! Who though it would be?
It’s busy, yeah, but it’s worth it!!! Nothing else is new…
Just got over a few things in the past that’s been bogging me down…
I finally… Finally gave everything to God and now am moving on… But it took alot of realization before getting to that point…
I realized that no matter what God’s not gonna re-bring the past… But he will allow you to reminisce on the past- and that reminiscing finally brings you to a point of breaking completely before God….
Well I know it’s been a while, but I wanted to put something meaningful up…
That’s a little peek through the window in my life!!

Thoughts about Grace…

Its been a while since I’ve written.. i know… Just moved back to Toronto and I was half expecting to start everything all over again… in terms to my relationships with the friends I had here… and the family I have here..

But… it’s like I was never really away… picked up where I left off.. not in all things, of course,… but for the most part..

And trust me… its God. It just shows me God’s grace. How He’s always there- willing to take us back even though we’ve messed up; ruined our lives; broken His heart….

Even with my family… only very few people know my full actual story… and its amazing the love that they’ve shown and the understanding…

God’s the same way… He understands what you’re going through.. He feels what you feel. He’s been there.

What’s even more amazing is that God still gives me opportunities to me to pick up my life where it left off…. He granted me admission in the college of my choice…

There is no one out there that can tell me that God doesn’t exist after what I’ve been through and after all that I’ve seen Him do.

He’s real folks! More real than the air you breathe… and He’s calling out to you… His arms stretched out wide…. just asking you to take a look- notice Him- see what He’s done for you because he loves you.. to give Him a chance…

I found this amazing video- it’s been a while since I watched it… and I think you should watch it too… its just six minutes out of your daily life.. please give just six minutes of your time and watch this…. it will touch you if you let it… don’t watch it with a closed heart and mind… please… just listen and take the words in….. Let His words touch your heart.. I pray that it does…

Been a while…..

I’m really sorry I haven’t blogged for a while… with my move back to Canada and fixing my computers and network, I kinda got a bit behind on the whole blogging….

Forgiveness and moving on is an aspect in human nature that amazes me why people don’t get what they are!!

How hard can it be to look at someone in the eye and tell them, “I forgive you; it’s okay… I make mistakes too, and I would want you to forgive me too if I did something wrong against you”

Again, it comes back to the principle of doing to others what you want others to do to you.

After everything that my family and friends have been through because of me…. no one has given me a hard time… and it amazes me…

I know I don’t deserve it, but i see what God is trying to teach me and show me….. it’s not about me.. it’s never about me……

I’ve learned a lot through this period in my life… my parents and friends have always been there for me…. no matter what I’ve done…

I’ve hurt a lot of people in the process… unknowingly and knowingly… not because I wanted to, but…. never mind…. the point is, God is helping me move on and is helping heal those wounds…..

I know where I have to be right now, at this moment, and it took a lot for God to show me to appreciate my family and friends…. and to look to Him first….

Don’t wait that long… see now what you have… trust me…. I’ve experienced it first hand, and I can honestly say I don’t want to go through all that again……

Learn to appreciate…. and rely on God…

Trust Him!

Learn to trust…. And He’ll show you the way….

and when you find yourself at the edge of the cliff…. almost falling…

He’ll either catch you when you fall….

Or give you wings to fly…

One things for sure…. He will never leave your side

Thoughts on Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love…
What is it? What is it to love someone unconditionally? Well… Let’s break it up…
Condition: Depending on other factors; not certain.
Un- : prefix- not; contrary to; opposite of;
-al : suffix- of; related to; connected with, functional, sectional, tonal
Let’s joing them all now: Un ( contrary to, opposite of) condition (depending on other factors) al (related to)…. meaning: related to the opposite of depending on other factors…. Not depending on other factors… Not concerned with who or why or what or if…. it just is because it is..
Now tell me if that is humanly possible without God’s help..? I don’t think so. No human can love unconditionally…. that is without God’s help. He’s the only true unconditional lover of our souls, and we can only learn to love like He does if we let Him live through us….
it’s not easy…. true… but then nothing in this life is easy… trusting God should be easier considering He knows everything and cares. And despite everything that we do He still loves us and cares for us! It should be a heck of a lot easier trusting Him if we understand unconditional love…. maybe we should first try to understand and experience this unconditional love before we fully trust God because until we don’t understand, we won’t trust God completely… I’m guilty, but God is teaching me everyday…

maybe you should seek and learn what it is….

“No matter what or why or who or where… I will still love you,” says God

“And always will….. No matter what,” Says God

Because that is what Love is… and should be….

Unconditional

Thoughts on Home

Yeah, I know I haven’t wrote for a while. Been really busy, or really tired lately. Still am tired. But it’s oaky. Only about 5 more weeks before I go home…. Home… it’s been a while since I used that word the way I am now. I don’t know how it’ll be…. Probably won’t take any time at all to get used to it. That’s what Home is.

Home is where your heart is. That is true… very true… and right now, my heart is in Toronto with my family. A lot has happened and it has made me think a lot. Why did I do what I did? What did I accomplish? Was God honored? Did something good come out of this?

Why I did what I did?- To be honest, at first it was because of a girl. A wonderful young lady who has now long left me… but that’s not the focus…. that soon changed to finding answers in this life… What is my purpose? Why am I going through this? What is right and what is wrong? What is life?

What did I accomplish? Nothing I thought at first…. I thought, how could God use me after hurting so many people. Granted it wasn’t intentional, but I still hurt them… What did I accomplish? I don’t like to brag, but God used me to help bring someone back to Christ. People see me differently. They see I’m not like them.. That I got “religion” but there’s something different. I’ve tried to live a life that shows other’s who God is. I hope I did what He wanted…. after that’s why I’m going back home.. cause I believe my purpose here is accomplished….

Was God Honored? I would be a liar if I said “Yes”… at least while I was first staring out on my own…. I messed everything up! Everything!!! My relationships with my family, friends, and then in the end with my girlfriend. Because I did something I thought was God’s will but really wasn’t- it was my selfishness…. But look how amazing God is: He used my failures to bring good out of it…..

Did something good come out if it? Of course!!! Good always comes out of everything that we go through because there are lessons that God teaches us through them if we’re willing to learn. I learned what it is to trust and depend on God for EVERYTHING literally. I learned how important it is to have and continue the relationship with my Savior. I learned how to Cook … these are just a few of the things I learned….

What else can I say? I just pray that no one has to go through what I did….. it isn’t the most fun experiences… but I hope that you will learn from my mistakes and trust me when I say to trust God with Everything… because I have seen and experienced and tasted of His mercy and grace and love.

Keep your eyes on Him

 

No matter what…. There is no place like Home

No place….

Thoughts on Persecutions

Okay, so it’s 2:12 am and I’m awake. Can’t sleep so I thought I’d see if any of my friends are online. Hah! not really

I just finished  watching Death Race, and I don’t know why but Daniel came to my head. Daniel? Daniel who?? Then it struck me. Daniel from the Bible. I don’t know why Joseph didn’t pop up because he would have fit the scenario that Jason Statham faced. But Daniel came to my mind. Speaking about Daniel, I’m reminded of when I was yet in Youth Group and when we did a series on the life and on the book of Daniel. That was a really good study. He was captured and tried and tested and with God’s help he triumphed for God’s glory through His strength. Then I started thinking about why I’m thinking about Daniel and then the three young men, Shadrak, Mishak and Abednego came to my mind. They stood for what was right and man tried to conform them to their own standards and when they wouldn’t they tried to kill God’s men. And even that didn’t work because Jesus saved them. Then, my mind ventured to Daniel in the lions’ den. Wow! Imagine that! Being captured because you pray to the one true God and being thrown in a den full of hungry lions! That’s not fun; I’m pretty sure they lions weren’t friendly and that you wouldn’t think they’re cute and would let you touch their maine if you try to be nice. But miraculously, nothing happened to Daniel because God protected him. Now, Joseph comes to my mind. How he was sold into slavery by his brothers, and how because of his faithfulness to God that he became a great man in Egypt. And that even after running away from Pharaoh’s wife who tried to seduce him, he got put in prison for something he didn’t do. And how God brought him out of there and made him second in command in Egypt because of his faithfulness to God.

And then… then my mind goes to Jesus… My Lord, my God, my Savior, my Friend… The one who died for my sins… He did NOTHING wrong!!! and yet, they crucified Him… he let them crucify Him so that I could live!!! Me! an ungrateful, sinful man can live because of Him taking my place and punishment. 

All of these men had one thing in common: they did nothing wrong. Everything they did pleased God, I’m sure, but yet they were persecuted. Makes you wonder why sometimes… why would God allow that. Why do we let our kids certain mistakes, so that when we fail we learn from it… and we learn by the consequences of that mistake. I’m sure these men were not doing anything wrong, but God wanted to show his glory to them and to everyone around them. He wanted to show them the truth. He wanted them to learn from the lives of others. He wanted them to see that He is God and He alone is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13) I love that verse because its saying that everything that you go through or that anyone goes through is not new; someone or the other has been through it before. So, God won’t allow you to go through something that you can’t handle with His strength. He also says in Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me”. Therefore, if we can do all things through Christ, and if He won’t let us go through something we can’t handle, we can handle anything as long as it’s by His strength. And once we do, and once we overcome that situation, we will see and learn that He is able and that He is real and that He cares…. And not only us, but others will see, too, that He is God!

So don’t complain when you’re persecuted; don’t whine because you’re having a rough time.

 

 .”

 

 

 

Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. 

Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you

Will you be willing to endure… for His glory and His sake…

Will you be willing to trust Him and let Him be victorious over your persecution….

Will you take the final stand…. for Him